The dysfunction of Morganton, North Carolina was alive and well when Josh Hudson returned to his hometown. The defect was very much a disease that ricocheted throughout the state as far as he could tell. He hadn’t smoked in years, but when his feet hit the pavement of the uptown area, Hudson pressed a cigarette between his lips, lit it up, and took a long drag, inhaling as the burning taste swam through his mouth, and into his lungs, until the pressure behind his breath became almost too much.
He walked as he smoked. He remembered when he first started the habit, Hudson told everyone he did it to soothe his nerves. It was an old saying his mother used when he was a child. His hazel brown eyes scanned the ragged landscape around him. When he thought dysfunction, it was because of how run down everything appeared. There were small droplets of life that would spring up like flowers from cracks in the concrete. It was moments like that, that made Hudson miss home. His current residence in the Big Apple offered so much life littered with bright lights and noise, but he never gave a damn about any of that. Despite the ugliness of the small city, Hudson found a simplicity in the fabric of Morganton. Something he never found anywhere else.
His return, however, didn’t pertain to a search for the simple. He yearned for it yes, but at this point in his life, Hudson knew he wouldn’t have it. He was going to remain tortured until he found what he was looking for. Until he completed the mission Hudson set out to do. It was the whole purpose as to why he had returned to the place where he had grown up. The place where his father, Frank Hudson, had instilled in him the same hard ass childhood lessons he had learned as a boy. The most important lesson was to work toward a goal, and to not stop until it was reached. When Hudson arrived in Morganton, he knew he wasn’t leaving until he met the man who had raped his sister, Jalyn. The man behind Jalyn’s suicide back in January. The purpose of meeting him was so Hudson could make the bastard feel more pain than his sister had to.
Hudson ran his calloused hands through his lengthy and curly dark hair, before grabbing the remaining cig from his lips and letting it fall into the ashtray just outside his next destination, Morganton Pawn. The establishment had been one of the few remaining from his childhood years. Many businesses had come and gone from Hudson’s recollection. The pawn shop had been family owned ever since he was a boy, and he had spent many Saturday mornings there, when he’d go on all day trips with his father. His father typically snuck something from the house, something his mother or siblings found to be valuable, and Frank would somehow make money off it. Hudson wasn’t looking to trade anything for cash. He was there to buy.
The old familiar smell of sweat and damp wood rushed over him as the Hall of Famer entered. He knew what he was after, making a Beeline to the weapons section. There were guns and knives of all shapes and sizes encased in glass. Hudson didn’t want a knife, though the thought of inflicting punishment upon his sister’s perpetrator at a slow and steady pace caused a smirk to develop from his lips. He wanted something quick. Just to get in and get out before anyone else had time to react. He figured he would go to jail, throwing the rest of his life away, but the bastard deserved to pay. He didn’t deserve to walk the streets be it in Morganton, or anywhere else, like what he did didn’t matter. Like he was able to be free despite his crimes. None of it sat well with Hudson, and he wouldn’t rest easy until those crimes were paid for. A life for another life.
He froze as the thought crept through his mind, like a snake slithering through the late night grass, eyes fixated on a mouse without a clue in the world, and no sooner did Hudson ask himself if what he thought or felt was wrong, he was brought back to reality by the sound of the clerk’s voice. It was as scrawny as everything else the individual brought to the table. He looked like he could be blown over by the slightest gust of wind. “Looking for anything in particular?” He asked, his words stained, like his teeth, with rot. Hudson saw his nametag. It said Greg.
“As a matter of fact, I am, Greg.” He stated, before his eyes darted down to the artillery on display. Moving back and forth, observing and studying the objects before him, like a scientist looking for evidence to prove a miraculous discovery.
And then, Hudson settled on what he felt would be the best fit. “Tell me about that one.” He said, tapping his finger on the glass.
Greg gave a toothy grin as he reached inside, lifting the weapon at eye level between them, staring at it like it was his most prized possession. His right fingers gently caressed the end of the barrel, chromed from the muzzle to the hammer. His left hand clasped the wooden grip, as his grainy eyes moved from the gun to his customer’s. “This is a .357 Magnum. Smith and Wesson. Some call it a .38 Special.” He moved it toward Hudson. “Want to hold it? See how it feels?”
“Absolutely.” The former SCW World Champion said, having it placed in his hands. He tried different grips, even testing out the sight, checking the weight as well.
“Have you ever fired a gun before?”
“More times than I care to remember.” He said, his sight still on the .38 Special.
“Hunter?”
Hudson nodded. “All my life. In more ways than one.”
“What do you plan to hunt with that?” Greg asked, shaking Hudson a little bit more than he expected. “Or should I ask who?”
Hudson grinned as he placed the gun on the counter. “That’s for me to know, and that’s it. How much do you want for this?”
The grimy worker scoffed and shook his head, before giving his customer a price. Hudson paid as Greg wrapped his purchase up nice and neatly. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Hudson stated with a gentle nod. He turned to leave but Greg spoke, stopping him in his tracks.
“Can I interest you in anything else?” The words caused Hudson’s muscles to tense, a sliver of dread running down the base of his spine. He knew when Greg mentioned ‘anything else’ that he meant only the worst of possibilities. Places he didn’t want his mind to go. He was in a dark place already. Hudson knew it would be wise to not go any further. “Whatever you can think of,” Greg continued, “I am sure I have it. And it has nothing to do with the shop. It’s a little side business of mine, if you’d prefer to call it that.” His words were followed by a sickening snicker.
Hudson turned and faced Greg once again. He could see the sickness in the man’s eyes, proving further that the decay spread throughout the small city, consuming not only its architecture but its inhabitants as well. “There is something else I need.”
“What might that be? Just remember. Whatever you want, I’m sure I have it.”
“Good.” Hudson said as he returned to the counter. “Because I need ammo.”
“Ah, I see.” Greg replied with a nod. He disappeared into the back for a few moments before returning with a box. He showed Hudson the bullets contained within the flimsy cardboard box, being held together by duct tape. It was a Morganton mainstay as Hudson recalled. He paid for the ammo as well. Hudson grabbed the box and dropped down to one knee. “What are you doing now?” He heard Greg asked, as he popped the chamber out on the handgun, before sliding a bullet inside, and popping the chamber back into its proper position. “Hey, you’re not allowed to do that, man.” Hudson ignored his statement before rising and locking eyes with Greg, the gun held up between them, aimed right at the living, breathing, walking sickness. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“What did I do?”
Hudson scoffed. “You offered me something else. Anything I could think of and you would have it right?” Greg shuddered and Hudson repeated himself. “RIGHT?!?!?!” Greg nodded rapidly, with his hands held high. “Something tells me that something else was sick and twisted. Something to do with children?” Greg looked down and away, keeping his hands up. “No, look at me.” He did as he was told as Hudson continued. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll leave.” He remained silent. Hudson did not. “Something tells me I’m not wrong. No fucking way.”
He slowly backed away, going toward the front door while keeping his eyes locked on Greg, who began to whimper and plead. “It’s not what you think, man. It’s really not. It’s nothing more than a side business. Just an extra way to make money. If you’re not interested, then that’s fucking good. Its fucking good, right?” Hudson stayed quiet as the pleas continued. “Are you even listening to me? I’m telling you that it’s just business. I’ve not done anything wrong.” Greg grew silent once again as Hudson flipped the opened sign to closed, before his eyes reverted back to the piece of shit before him. “Oh, what the fuck man? Seriously! Stop! Please, don’t do this! Stop!”
Hudson blinked, and he was still standing before Greg, the box of ammo along with a receipt in his hand. “Will there be anything else?” The customer was asked, and Hudson merely shook his head no, before walking out. His mind and body craved violence. He knew he should have hurt Greg, made it to where the man could not utter another word, or make another movement in his life, but he didn’t. He knew why, too. It was a promise he’d made, and a promise he was going to break, but not at the expense of Greg. It would occur at the sight of someone else, Hudson thought as he continued through the streets of his hometown, as day slowly began to drift into night.
The sound of water rushed through Hudson’s ears as he scrubbed his hands of the grime and disease of the city. Of the sickness he had just experienced. No matter how hard he scrubbed, everything seemed to remain, as if it had become ingrained within his skin, adapting to portions of his cells, ready to live until the end of his days, like a cancer preparing to slowly eat away at him from the inside out. It came back each time he slid a bullet into the chamber. Each time he touched the gun.
He dried his hands and looked at his reflection. The bathroom was rundown like just about everything else he’d seen since he returned. The floors were dirty like his soul. The mirror was cracked, and to Hudson, that felt familiar in more ways than one. Stepping out, he tossed the empty ammo box before he saw his brother Jacob across the Denny’s restaurant in a corner booth. It was the same booth their family would sit in when their mother would bring them for lunch on a Sunday afternoon after church.
Jacob looked like he wore what he’d rolled out of bed in. His hair, like everything else, was a mess. Hudson could tell his brother had chosen to follow their father’s lifestyle, though he knew Jacob could have been anything that he wanted to be. When it came to sports, he was a stallion. Jacob was even better than his older sibling at wrestling, but he chose to take the wrong path. But Hudson told himself, they had all taken the wrong path at some point or another in their lives. It was in their genetic coding to royally fuck up, not only their lives, but the lives of others. All except for their sister, Jalyn. The one time she fucked up was because she could no longer take living the life she had, so she took matters into her own hands, letting her life slip into the darkness, to never return.
“What the fuck were you doing there? Jacking off?” Jacob asked, as Hudson took a seat across from him. “You were in there an awfully long time.”
“I was in there as long as I needed to be.”
Jacob ran hands through his dirty light brown hair and shook his head, snorting snot as a sigh escaped him. “I can’t help but be curious, big brother. We agreed to meet here. You were late and bolted straight to the shitter when you got here. What gives?” Hudson thought about the situation at the pawn shop with Greg and what transpired before he left. He knew he could tell his brother but decided not to. Jacob waited for a few moments, realizing he wasn’t going to get a response. “Alright, I guess we’ll leave that there.”
“Would be best.”
“How have you been?”
Hudson sighed. “How about we cut the pleasantries out of this conversation. We aren’t at that point in our lives. That aspect of our relationship waved bye-bye a long time ago, Jacob. So, how about you tell me about Levy?” Just saying the man’s name caused Hudson to grind his teeth, his muscles tensing just as they did at the pawn shop. He wore a jacket and Hudson slid his hands into the pockets, his fingers tracing an outline of the gun he had concealed.
His brother sighed once again. “I know he’s out. I’ve been keeping my eye on him ever since he stepped through the gate. He’s spent most of his time at the bar.”
“Which one? This is Morganton? There are more bars here than I can count on my hands and feet.”
“Blue Thunder. It’s the one near the bowling alley. Or what used to be the bowling alley.” Jacob said, and Hudson remembered going there as a kid with his siblings. He recalled how much fun they all had, especially Jalyn. She was the best of them all when it came to landing strikes. “I’m sure Levy will be there tonight. I can almost guarantee it.” His brother said, taking him away from his trip down memory lane. “You want to go have a drink?”
Hudson shook his head. “No, I’d rather not. If anything, I want to be alone.” He said, as they locked eyes. “In fact, I feel that this will be the last time we see one another, or more than likely speak.”
“And why might that be, big brother?”
Hudson scoffed. “Now that Jalyn and Mom are gone, there’s really no need for us to have any connection. Those two kept the family together. You and our dear old dad seem to enjoy one another’s company, if a twelve pack’s involved.”
Jacob chuckled while shaking his head. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re judging me?” Hudson said nothing as his younger sibling continued. “You, of all people, have no right to judge me. Especially after all the terrible things you’ve done. You want to act like you’re noble when we both know you’re far from it.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Hudson replied. “And that will be something I’ll have to live with. Something I’ll have to pay for when the time comes. Just as you will have to do the same. You and Dad. Just as we will all have to live with the fact that we weren’t there for our sister. We were meant to protect her, and none of us did that.”
“You think I don’t feel like shit for what happened to Jalyn? You think that I don’t care?” Jacob growled. “If that’s what you think then you’re the dumbest son of a bitch that I know.” Both looked down and away for a few moments, until the younger sibling spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper. “So, what are you going to do to him?”
Hudson knew the answer to his brother’s question, but he asked one of his own. “What would you do?”
“I’d kill him. Plain and simple.” Jacob muttered weakly. “He doesn’t deserve to live for what he did to Jalyn. For what the shit he caused. The pain she endured.”
“There you have it.” Hudson said coldly, as he slid out of the booth and rose to his feet. He went to leave but his brother’s voice stopped him, as he uttered his name. Hudson looked to find Jacob, looking down at the table, appearing sad and lost. Something Hudson hadn’t seen from him in a very long time, if at all. “What is it?”
Jacob quickly wiped tears from his eyes, like he was trying to conceal his pain and sadness. “I don’t know if it means anything but I’m sorry. For everything. For Jalyn. For Mom. For how you and I stopped being close. I’ve always looked up to you. The bottle…” His voice broke for a moment. “The bottle just has me in a stranglehold. I don’t know how to get free. Or if I can.”
Hudson let his brother’s words resonate in his brain, his mind processing them as a response was conjured up. “We are all in a stranglehold of some kind, Jacob. I’ve come to realize that, just as I’ve come to realize that there is no saving us. It’s not that we can’t be saved. It’s that we don’t want to be.” Jacob went to speak but Hudson turned and walked away, back out into the streets of Morganton. His fingers gripped the gun once again as he repeated his words to his brother, repeating them over and over for no real apparent reason that he could think of, until he stopped. When Hudson looked up, he recognized where he was immediately.
He was at the First Assembly of God church. It was where he’d gone to church with his family as a child. His grandparents went there, and his mother felt they all needed to go as well. Their father rarely went. Staring at the building, Hudson recalled how he loved the structure as it reminded him of a medieval castle. “It’s not that we can’t be saved. It’s that we don’t want to be.” He spoke the words once again, this time out loud, before he felt his feet moving forward and then he entered the church. It was like walking through a haunted house, as Hudson felt a sudden chill racing up and down his spine. He had never been a Godly individual, but with what he had going through his head, he felt he needed to be right where he was, as he stepped foot into the sanctuary.
“Good evening, sir. Can I help you with something?” He heard coming from his left. Hudson turned to see a plain-clothed gentleman with a happy face walking toward him, his hand extended. Hudson shook it. He was much older than he had been the last time Hudson seen him, but he knew the man before him, nonetheless.
The old man’s name was Dana McClellan. Pastor Dana to most. Hudson shrugged before finally replying, after taking a few moments to size the old pastor up. “I’d like to think so, but I’m not sure you or anyone will be able to help me.”
Pastor Dana cupped his hands together in front of him as he stood, the happiness remaining on his wrinkled face. “And what might it be that you’re seeking?”
Hudson sighed. “Forgiveness.”
“Have you been to this church before?” Hudson wanted to tell him yes, but decided against it, shaking his head no, as the old man continued. “Well, I tell those in my congregation that, as it states in the Scripture, if you accept the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart, he will forgive you or absolve you of all your sins.”
Another sigh escaped Hudson before he replied. “I’m not looking for God’s forgiveness, but forgiveness nonetheless.”
“Who do you want forgiveness from, if not the Lord?” Dana asked, looking slightly confuse at Hudson’s declaration.
The former SCW World Champion looked up at the altar, seeing the same three crosses that were there as a child, holding strong. He turned his attention to the pastor, knowing he’d rather talk to a real live person than images such as the crosses. “I want forgiveness from someone who died. Someone who, if Heaven exists, is up there, beyond the pearly gates.” Hudson stated, pointing behind him, before continuing. “I want their forgiveness for not being there. For not listening when I should have.” He sniffled, trying to catch his breath and regroup emotionally. Not much had made the man cry, but knowing he’d lost his sister tore him up to the point of tears. He exhaled and shook his head, as Hudson looked down now. “No, pastor. I don’t want forgiveness from your God. At this point, I feel he owes me an apology for allowing something so criminal to happen to my sister. Something so damned vile that she took her own life.”
He glanced at Dana from the corner of his eye, to watch as the pastor glanced down as well, looking like shame had fallen over his face. The pastor sighed heavily, shaking his head. Hudson, however, cut him off before the old man could muster any sort of verbal response. “If you’re going to tell me that my sister’s soul has been damned to Hell because she took her own life then I suggest you bite your tongue.” They locked eyes. “If Hell exists and that’s how it goes then it was your God who put her there.”
Dana finally spoke. “I’m sorry for what happened to your sister. I’m sorry for the pain it caused her, for what it caused her to do. Just as I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know my words will provide no real comfort to you. I know this, just as I know that if I pray for you that it will mean nothing to you because you don’t seem to believe.”
Hudson scoffed. “You seem to know me pretty well.” Silence fell between them and he knew it would have been better to just leave, but for some reason, the Hall of Fame wrestler didn’t have it in him just yet to make his exit. “Do you think I could be forgiven?”
Dana sighed once more. “In my studies of the Word, I’ve learned that no one is above forgiveness. I’ve also learned, from my own experiences, one must be willing to forgive themselves. Do you think you can do that? I think that is the question you need to ask yourself.”
“I wish I knew the answer to that, but I don’t.” Hudson stated. “I’d like to think she’d forgive me for not being there when she needed me the most. She always had that nature about her. She’d let things go. She’d try to see the best in people. She was always able to see the best in me, telling me that I was a good person. I’m not sure what she saw, but I took her word to heart.” He locked eyes with the pastor. “I’ve not been given a lot of compliments in my lifetime. Not that I’ve earned kind words, either.”
“Like forgiveness.” Dana began. “Goodness is there, for anyone and everyone. A person just needs to be able to see it for themselves, otherwise they could care less about their own worth. And that right there, will result in them not seeing worth in anyone else.”
“I lost the ability to really see the worth of anyone a long time ago. I’ve been mad at the world and everyone in it, for as long as I can remember. I’m 43. I don’t foresee that changing. But I’m trying. When I crawl back to the weeds, I’ll be able to say I tried to change at least. Though I won’t have much choice by the time the night is through.”
“Why is that?”
Hudson rose to his feet. “I made a promise. The thing is that I can’t really try until after I do something. Something I feel I have to do. Something I doubt I’d receive any sort of forgiveness or sympathy for, but I still have to do it. For her. I have to make things, and then…and then, I believe I’ll feel like she would have forgiven me. Maybe that’ll give me peace.” Hudson looked down, a part of him waiting for Dana to try and comfort him with words, but those words didn’t come. Hudson nodded then, before leaving the sanctuary, walking out into the night. There was nowhere else to go now except for the bar, where he hoped to see the man who put everything into motion.
As he walked, Hudson couldn’t keep the promise off his mind. He told himself to wipe it away, to forget about it until everything is done and over with. He knew if he didn’t forget it, then what he planned to do wouldn’t happen. That he would be weak. He shook his head as he whispered to himself. “I can see it now. Dad would be fucking laughing at me for being like this. For being so…emotional if that’s what one could call it, Sis.”
“I can’t help but wonder what you’d think of me. If you saw me tonight, with this gun, with these thoughts running through my head. I’m sure you would have been happy to see Jacob and I having a conversation, since we hadn’t had one in a long, long time.” He said, as he recalled the argument that had taken place at his childhood home shortly after their mother died. Hudson remembered how he found Jacob drunk on the front porch as soon as he arrived, and how he ended things by putting his father through the living room wall.
“Would you want me to do this?” He asked, as if Jalyn was right there walking alongside him. His fingers wrapped around the gun once again. Despite what his father always force fed him and his siblings, Hudson didn’t feel powerful with a gun in his hand. “Do you think I should do this?” He scoffed just as he had at Pastor Dana’s comments. “I’m sure you wouldn’t. You would rather me just leave it be, like you always wanted me to when we were growing up. Every single time someone gave you trouble, you’d come tell me about it, but then you’d say…’Don’t worry about it, Josh. I can take care of it myself.’ And you did.” He chuckled. “You were always able to defend yourself.”
“Just not this time.” He said weakly. “Was it because I wasn’t there? I promised you a long time ago that I’d always be there to take care of you, if you needed me. And yet, what did I do?” He growled, growing angrier with himself by the passing minute. “I called you a burden, Jalyn. A fucking burden!” Hudson grinded his teeth together, shaking his head in disappointment at himself. He felt the gun again. “I made you another promise, but I think I’m going to break it, Sis. You should have seen this coming. If you were still here, I know you would have. You would have tried your best to talk me out of it, but with what happened to you, I don’t think it would have worked this time. I would have defended you, even if it was the wrong manner.”
He let out a sigh and went to speak again, only to be but off by the sound of his cell going off. He slowly pried his fingers from the gun and reached into his back pocket, grabbing his phone. It was Erica, possibly the only light in his life. “Hello?”
“Hey babe.” She said, and he pictured her sitting on her couch, or on a weight bench at the gym, smiling like she was happy to hear his voice. He knew he was happy to hear hers. “I just finished training and I figured I’d check in to see how you were.”
“I’m doing okay.” He lied, knowing everything about his situation was far from okay. It was all spiraling toward an inevitable disaster, and Hudson didn’t know if he could stop it even if he wanted to. “Sorry you couldn’t make the trip.”
“I figured I’d give you time with your family. You all need to heal. Besides, I’m with you all the time. Nothing wrong with taking a break from one another.” She said. He was happy when they were together. He knew she wouldn’t see that if she was to lay eyes on him now. “How are they doing?”
He glanced down, hating himself for lying but he didn’t want to give Erica any reason to feel alarmed. Like his promise, he knew he was going to have to shut her out of his mind. “I saw my brother. We talked for a few minutes, but nothing too special.”
“That sounds fucked up, babe. Is everything okay?”
He paused for a few moments, struggling to come up with some lie, some façade, anything he could to mask how he really felt, to mask the taste for violence clinging to the back of his throat, just waiting to force its way out. “Babe?”
He shook his head, blinking as her voice took him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, sorry. I’m here. I was just reminiscing for a moment.”
“Where are you?”
He found himself looking at the outside of the bar Jacob told him that Levy would be at. He could hear the thunderous music as it vibrated off the walls. “Just a place my Dad took us as kids.”
“Good memories, I hope.” Erica stated.
He had spent many nights in the bar with his father, growing up. Nothing bad ever really happened, but even as a child, Hudson knew it was no place for him. “They’re memories. I can say that much.” He swallowed knowing what was going to happen once he stepped inside, more than likely. “Its an old rundown bowling alley.” He lied once more. “I think I’m going to go play a few games.”
Erica sighed. “Alright. Well call me when you get in. You’re staying in a hotel, right?”
“Yeah. One of Morganton’s finest.” He stated with a laugh, because there was nothing luxurious about anything in the city. “But I’ll call you soon.”
“Okay, babe. Talk to you later.” She said and the call ended. He slid his phone back into his pocket, before letting his fingers rub against the gun once again, as Hudson told himself to forget Erica for the time being. To forget his promise to his sister. That, in that moment, it was about revenge. It was about setting things right. He repeated this until he felt it was stuck in his brain, and then Hudson took a deep breath, exhaling heavily as he stepped inside.
The place was packed but he didn’t care. He was there for a reason, and he wouldn’t leave until his purpose was fulfilled. Many of the patrons danced and howled maniacally as they tossed back to their liquor shots or beers. The music continued to shake the walls, just as it had always done from what Hudson remembered. He looked around and couldn’t really make out many of the faces due to the dim light shining throughout the place, so he walked toward the bar, waiting for a bartender to become available.
When one did, Hudson asked one question. “Do you know where I could find a guy named Levy…last name Greene?”
The bartender looked at him, slightly confused. “Yeah I can but I gotta ask. Why would you want to talk to that piece of shit? The only reason he’s allowed here, is the same reason he’s not been beaten to death behind closed doors. The law. I don’t need a fucking lawsuit. You feel me?”
Hudson smirked. “Yeah that I can get. But I still need to find him. I need to speak with him, so if he’s here how about doing me a favor, and pointing him out?” The bartender paused for a few moments before giving a nod and pointing to the far-left corner. Hudson followed the man’s finger as his eyes rested on a red-haired male, sitting by himself, nursing a beer. He touched the gun again before ordering a shot. The bartender obliged and Hudson downed it just as fast, before wiping away the residue off his beard, and made his way toward Levy, toward the reason he was there.
He reached the booth and took a seat opposite of Levy. They locked eyes and Hudson could see a longing there. Like Levy just wanted to belong once again. Hudson then told himself to not feel sorry for the son of a bitch, reminding himself of what Levy had done to his sister. He let out a deep breath, one hand snatching Levy’s beer, while the other grazed the gun.
“Do I know you?” Levy finally asked.
Hudson shook his head. “No. No, you don’t. But I know you and we have a lot to talk about.”
“And what might that be?”
He finished off the beer, telling himself to get somewhere so he could regroup. “I need to hit the john. We can talk when I get back.” He stated as he rose to his feet. He mimicked shooting a gun before heading into the bathroom. Once inside, he locked the door behind him and placed his hands on the sink, as he stared at his reflection. He blinked multiple times, as Hudson told himself he just needed to get it done and over with.
He exhaled heavily, multiple times, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. “Alright. Alright. You can do this. You can do this.” Hudson pressed his forehead against the mirror. “You can do this. You have to do this. You NEED to do this.”
But you promised, he thought. Hudson shook his head, trying to rid his mind of that notion, of anything that would make him weak or submit to his own conscience. “You don’t the fucking time for that!” He hissed at his reflection. He pushed away from the sink and mirror, before pulling the gun out of his pocket. He looked at it, telling himself it was the right thing to do. That it was the only thing to do, and he cocked it before concealing it under his coat sleeve, palming the barrel at the same time before he returned to the table.
“I’m back.” Hudson exclaimed with a wild grin. “Sorry that I kept you waiting.”
“Look man.” Levy began. “I don’t know who you are or what it is that you want, but I’m not looking for any trouble. I just want to enjoy my beer and sit in peace.”
Hudson chuckled and shook his head, before leaning forward as he gave his response. “You don’t want trouble? You asked for trouble a long time ago, boy. And you want peace? Let me be the bearer of bad news, but you don’t deserve peace. Not one fucking modicum of peace.” They held one another’s gaze for a few moments, and he could tell Levy was nothing less than confused and slightly intimidated by it all. “I’m surprised you’ve not pieced it together yet, Levy. But don’t worry. I can help you out if you’d like.” He leaned forward. “My name’s Josh. You knew my sister. Her name was Jalyn.” It seemed like everything else around them ceased to exist as soon as Hudson said her name.
Levy looked down quickly. “She…she was your sister?”
“Yes, she was. And I know what you did, you little fuck.” Hudson hissed, feeling himself beginning to seethe the longer time went on. “And I know she got pregnant.”
It looked like Levy was sinking lower, trying to disappear from all that was being said. From the glare he was getting from Hudson. “She…she did?” He asked, his voice breaking which only made Hudson sicker.
“Yeah, she did. You didn’t know?” Levy shook his head. The former SCW Champion grinded his teeth together, feeling his hand grip the barrel even tighter. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief, you fuck. You don’t have to worry about paying child support or anything, because my sister took her goddamn life. Thanks to you.”
He noticed tears form rather quickly in Levy’s eyes, which he didn’t expect. He had to remind himself to not grow weak, once again. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” Levy said, his voice transitioning into a whisper, like he was on the verge of collapse. “I was drunk…Just out of my fucking mind. And that’s no excuse.”
Hudson shook his head. “Stop. Nothing you’re going to say is going to make any difference. Its not going to change what happened, just as it won’t change what’s going to happen soon.”
Levy continued however, ignoring Hudson’s statement, brushing the warning off like it was nothing, like he was waiting for something to happen. “I always liked Jalyn, but I also knew she was too good for me. That I didn’t deserve her.” He scoffed. “But that didn’t give me any right to do what I did.” Levy looked up and they locked eyes. “I know it means nothing to you, but I’m sorry. She didn’t deserve to have that happen to her. None of this needed to happen, especially not to her. She was a beautiful human being inside and…”
Hudson had had enough. “Stop!” In one quick motion, he lifted his arms onto the table, letting the gun slide out of his sleeve and into his hand, pointing the barrel toward Levy, who just lowered his gaze, as Hudson pulled the trigger.
The gunshot ricocheted throughout the bar as well as his head. Hudson just stared for a few moments at the lifeless body before him. He had done it. He couldn’t believe it. His heart was pounding, and he blinked. When he opened his eyes, he found himself no longer facing Levy, but in the bathroom. The gun was still in his sleeve, the barrel pressing into his palm. With his free hand, he opened the bathroom door to find Levy sitting at the table still, looking down and out. Closing the door once again, Hudson looked at his reflection, telling himself repeatedly that he just needed to do it. There didn’t need to be any talking. He just needed to go out and shoot the bastard.
Exhaling, he bolted from the bathroom, stomping toward Levy. Just as he was inches from the man, Hudson called out his name, getting Levy’s attention, just as the gun slid in between his fingers. He pointed, aimed, and fired.
And then, he blinked. As his eyes opened, Hudson discovered he was in the bathroom once again. The barrel of the gun was still pressing into his palm. He let the weapon fall into his hand, and he lifted it up, as Hudson suddenly became overwhelmed with more emotions than he felt he could possibly fathom. He dropped to his knees and buried his face in his free hand as he whispered. “You promised. You promised. You promised.”
Rising to his feet, he placed the gun back into his pocket and splashed warm water over his face, patting it dry, hoping it would help calm his nerves in some capacity. He made his way back to the table and sat down, looking down now, avoiding eye contact.
Levy spoke first. “Look man…”
Hudson cut him off. “Stop. Don’t say a word. I need to say something and after that, you can talk all you want but right now…” He looked up. “Just listen.” Levy nodded, and he continued. “You don’t know me, but I know who you are. Just as I know what you did. I know the person you did it to. She was my sister.” Levy looked down and away, just as he imagined it. “Her name was Jalyn. I say ‘was’ because a few months back, she took her own life. She killed herself, and the baby she was carrying thanks to you, you fuck.” Hudson let out a deep sigh. “That’s why I’m here, talking to you. I came here to kill you.” That got the man’s attention as fear and worry seemed to course through Levy’s body, filling him up to his eyeballs in both. “I’ve wanted to do that ever since I heard about what happened to Jalyn. Knowing she killed herself because of what you did, only intensified that want. You’re why I came here. You’re why I bought a gun. And you were probably going to be the reason I went away to prison for the rest of my life. I’ve wanted to point that gun right between the eyes so I could blow your brains out. Hell, I’ve thought about beating you within an inch of your life before snapping your neck. That is how badly I want you to pay for what you did.”
Levy went to speak but Hudson cut him off. “I told you not to talk.” He watched as Levy sank back into his seat, looking as if he wanted the seat to swallow him whole, to protect him in some way, shape, or form. “But I’m not going to kill you. Not because I feel sorry for you, because I don’t. I’d be alright if you were hit by a train or eat up with cancer. But the person you hurt…my sister…She…” A scowl came over his face as Hudson growled. “She is your saving grace, because I made a promise. I lost sight of it up until I came back to the table. And I wanted to look you in the eyes, so I could tell you that you need to consider yourself lucky that all you have to live with is the fucking guilt of what you did. Of what your actions destroyed.” He looked away, trying to calm himself once again.
“Knowing what I did to her, and just now hearing about her taking her own life…” Levy began, causing Hudson to look back up. “I deserve to die. I deserve that. But, like you, I feel dying would be too easy for me. Living with the guilt probably isn’t the worst punishment, but it is like cancer. I’ve dealt with ever since it happened. I’ve lived with it and I can’t shake it. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m no longer going to try. I want you to kill me, but I deserve to live. I know I’m never going to be able to move on. I’ll never have happiness or peace.”
“I hope you don’t.”
“I hope it doesn’t happen. Your sister deserved…”
Hudson cut him off again. “She deserved happiness. All the shit she had to put up with when it came to my father, to my brother…she deserved peace as well. She deserved to find a good man and to have a good family, but it was all taken from her….”
Levy cut him off, in turn. “I’m sorry.” His response caused Hudson’s eyes to grow wide for a few moments. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean anything to you. I know it won’t make up for what I did, or bring her back…but…But I am sorry…” He looked down and away. Hudson followed suit for a few moments, before weakly getting to his feet. He looked down at Levy, wanting to say one last thing, but he knew the man was right. Nothing could be said that would change anything, so he turned and walked away.
He walked a few blocks before getting a cab, and he asked to be taken to the Lake James docks, riding in silence, with the conversation with Levy screaming in his head. Once at the docks, he told the driver to leave him be, that he’d find his way back. He then walked out onto one of the piers and just stared out at the still water, pulling the gun from his pocket, the one thing that could have changed the course of his entire life if he had let it. He took one last look at it before Hudson chucked it into the water, dropping down to his knees once again, as the memory of his promise made finally crept into his head.
It wasn’t long after she arrived in New York at his school. She decided to tag along with him while he trained one day. He was at the heavy bag, taking all his frustrations, which consisted of everything else plus her constantly being around, out with his fists. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the bag, as he found himself in the zone that had led him to becoming a multiple time World Champion, a true killer in the ring, a legend in the business of pro wrestling. A zone that many didn’t want to catch him in, and then Jalyn spoke. “You don’t have to be so angry, big brother.”
He glared at her for a few moments, breathing heavily before he threw his fists down. “What are you even talking about? I’m an athlete. What I do is combative. If you don’t have some anger in you then you’re going to fail, and I refuse to do that.”
“And I get that, Josh.” She replied. “You may not know this, but I’ve watched your matches. I’ve watched for years. I guess ever since you started. You weren’t always angry. Competitive, yes. But not always angry. You seemed like you were having fun and enjoying yourself for a long time, but then something changed. Not sure what it was, but it was like you became…bitter? Mad at the world, or something. Not sure if that makes sense.”
It did but he didn’t want her to know that at the time, so he turned and walked away, heading toward his office, but that didn’t stop her, as Jalyn remained right behind him. “Did I strike a nerve?” He still said nothing. “I did, didn’t I?” She asked, giving a slight giggle as she pushed him. He turned and glared at her. “Yep, that’s the look right there. That is exactly what I’m talking about.”
“What do you want? Like I don’t get what you’re trying to say? You know good and damn well why I’d be mad at the world. Hell, you should be just as mad as me if not worse.” He bellowed. “I think I was treated like a prince compared to how you were done by Dad.”
“So, you think it’s Dad’s fault you are the way you are.”
“I can’t think of any other person to blame it on.” He fired back. “I’m sorry I’m not some happy go lucky person like you. You can take things in stride and not let it bother you. I can’t. I let it build and build and build until it gets to the point where all I can do is explode.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to tell me anything I don’t already know, Josh.” Jalyn sighed. But let me tell you something you don’t seem to know. I was angry for a very long time. You didn’t see it, because I let it build and build, just as you do. Just as you’ve always done. So I guess we’re alike in that regard. But where we’re different is that I forgave Dad. I refused to let that anger destroy me, and it hasn’t.”
“But that is all life is, Jalyn. It is a never ending roller coaster, going up and down, destroying you and building you back up again. It’s a vicious fucking cycle.” He stated, throwing his arms up in the air, wondering if he was getting through to her. “I don’t understand why you don’t get that.”
She looked down and shook her head. He knew what that meant. She was going to unload on him. “I refuse to live in a vicious cycle as you put it. That is what our Dad and brother have done. I didn’t think you’d do the same, but it seems you’d rather stay on the same path. And I have to admit, that’s highly disappointing.”
“I’m not exactly sure what it is that you want me to say. Or what point you’re trying to get at. This is who I am, Jalyn. I can’t change it, and even if I could, I’m not sure if I would.” He stated, before glancing down just as she did. He hated the words coming out of his mouth, but that didn’t change the fact that he knew the words were true.
They finally locked eyes once again, as she replied. “If you honestly believe that, then you truly are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met in my life. You can change. You just have to want it, and work at it. I work at it every day and I stay sane. I stay strong. There are days that I want to give up. That I want to cave to my anger, but I don’t.”
Her words hit him like a bullet to the chest. He wasn’t sure what was going on or what he was meant to feel, but he felt something. It was different. “You make it sound so easy.”
“But it isn’t. And I know that it isn’t, but you soon realize just how worth it is.” Jalyn exclaimed, and Hudson became silent once more. The silence filled the space between them until she stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You don’t have to be angry, Josh. You don’t have to be. You don’t have to live life like you’ve always had to. You won’t have to lose any more loved ones like you have with Rachel or Kristen. Or your children, more importantly. And if you’re worried about your career and losing your edge, all you have to remember is that you’ve always been an amazing wrestler. That doesn’t have to change.”
He remained silent for a few more moments, finally hugging her back. Once their embrace ended, Hudson managed to respond. “Thank you.” He looked up and nodded at her. “I mean that. I know, deep down, what you’re saying is true. I just don’t know where to begin, or if I truly have it in me to try. Or if I’d be successful.” He scoffed and shrugged. “Hell, I don’t even know what I’d be looking for.”
“I want you to be happy, Josh. I want you to stop torturing yourself for a past you can’t change. I know you can do it, and now…by looking you in the eye, I can tell you want it.” He looked down and away as she continued. “Just promise me you’ll try. You deserve it more than anyone else that I know. Promise me.” He looked up and she asked him to promise once again. He said nothing. He only nodded.
The memory faded, but Hudson knew it would always be with him. It haunted him as soon as the conversation ended and it remained in the back of his mind from that point on. He’d turn to it like many people would turn to the Bible in a time of great agony and pain, or depression. Thinking of it now, after everything that had happened during the last few hours, Hudson was glad he retained the memory, as he needed to reflect then more than ever before. He wanted to kill a man, but in the end, he chose not to. He remembered that he tossed the gun, and looked at the serenity within the darkness before him, knowing that while he was angry, it didn’t feel as bad as it did once before.
Was his anger diminishing? Was he finally walking toward true peace?
He hoped so, because he made a promise, and he knew he owed it to his sister to try. And not only her, but to Erica, to maybe reunite with his boys, and finally, he owed it to himself.
_________________________________________
Shoot
I’ve been in this business a long time. I’ve seen them all. New faces and old, they’ve all come and gone. I did what I could back in my hayday to make others better. To make this business better, because I love wrestling. It is all I am. It is all that I have.
That is why I mentioned failure the last time I stood before a camera. I failed at Taking Hold of the Flame. I didn’t even come close to winning the match. I was nothing more than an afterthought, and that doesn’t sit well with me. Now, I’ve never been one to get too comfy, letting the time pass me by, sitting around and collecting a check. No, that’s not me.
Never has been, and never will be.
That’s why I wanted to bring the IFW to the world. I wanted to keep the fighting spirit, I’ve always maintained, alive and well. Things didn’t go that way. Tragedy struck and I knew I had to decide. I could sit back and just look at the cards I’d been dealt, or I could reshuffle the deck and try again. That is why I am here.
The SCW, my home.
That is why I am more than prepared for my match at Rise to Greatness. That is why I am more than prepared to trade words as well as fists and holds with Blake Mason. Our match may not be the main event. Things may not seem personal, but things are very personal for me, and I’ll address that when the time comes. Bring home that SCW Television Championship. Get yourself some momentum going. You’re going to need it.
But that is what this is about, right?
Momentum?
This six-person tag match right here, the main event of Breakdown, is all about momentum in terms of its players. Sienna and Jordan will want to gain some momentum going into their already signed clash at Rise to Greatness. The same could be said for David Helms and Bree Lancaster. Chris Cannon will be looking to regain whatever momentum he captured by placing second at Taking Hold of the Flame. And I will be fighting to gain some momentum because last time I was in the ring, I didn’t do so hot. No. I didn’t live up to the expectations I have for myself.
And sure, some will say I’m too old. That I don’t belong here. That my time has come and gone.
I say, go for it. Hurl that my way. Everyone who spews that nonsense knows, deep down, that I’m still one of the greatest to ever do this. Sorry Glory. I know being the best is your moniker. But that’s all it is. A moniker to give yourself. I have lived it for a long time.
So, Josh, why are you back? I made a promise and I intend to keep it.
Why are you getting in Jordan’s business with Sienna and Bree? Jordan reminds me of my sister. She does her very best, but somehow manages to land herself in hot water, one way or another. I’ve always believed in Jordan’s talent, as I’ve told her face to face. I owe her a lot for when she invested in IFW. I owe her more than money, at least in my eyes. So, I’m not going to allow her to get overrun by the numbers game.
I know how Sienna operates. She likes to take people by surprise. She likes to stack the odds against her opponents. Hell, she uses dirty tactics away from the ring.
See: Her acquisition of Regan’s Trios Contract.
See: How she’s become World Champion.
Now, I’m sure you’re just itching to address me, Sienna. You’re ready to throw it in my face that you beat me when you were SCW World Champion. I know you’re ready to say things like you’ve surpassed me and that I could never achieve the level of success you have. I know you’re ready to talk about how I said I was your first real test in the SCW, and you want to rip my a new one for such a comment.
Yeah, you beat me. You pinned me. One, two, three. I won’t deny that. And yeah, you’ve obtained a level of success in SCW that I haven’t. Yeah, you stepped into the ring with the best this company has had to offer, and yes, you’ve beaten the best. I can’t deny any of that, either.
I’ve been a journeyman wrestler. I’ve been all over the world, learning new tricks to the trade. I did that from the moment I started in this business. I wanted to learn from the best to become the best. I didn’t get to the level of being World Champion only to complain about not having a legend train me, like you did. You didn’t have me to train you like James did? Sienna, there are those of us who live, sleep, and breathe this business, this sport.
You’re not one of those people.
You don’t care about this business. You want it to watch you. You want others around you to make you look even stronger. To make you look even more important. Call me a liar and I’ll challenge you to tell Glory to stop saying she’s the best in the world. We know you won’t because you’re always on the lookout for another minion.
That’s what you expected from me during the days of Past, Present, and Future. You wanted me to stand aside so you could take over everything. You didn’t care about the group. You didn’t care about the company. You just wanted your face on TV and getting your name in the spotlight. You could leave this all tomorrow to go on another modeling gig, like you did as World Champion which is why I cashed in against you. You spat in the faces of those who work their asses off to become World Champion, or to make it to an elite company like the SCW.
That is why I’m glad Jordan walked away from you, Chris, and Bree. She was going to be another minion. Someone to tell you yes and to praise every single thing you did or said. She is someone who has worked her ass off to get better. She has grown over the last year, and she’s finally gotten the point where the spotlight is on her. To the point where she doesn’t have to have her hard work overshadowed by an egotist such as yourself.
Just as there are those of us who live, sleep, and breathe this business…there are those of us who are not afraid of you.
I’m one of them, just as Jordan is.
Chris, you live in fear. Sure, you’re one of the most jacked competitors to grace this business with his presence. You put anger and arrogance on full display each and every week, just as your display great skill when you actually wrestle.
You can scoff at my notion that you live in fear. I wouldn’t expect anything less if we’re being honest. And what I am Chris, is honest. This next statement may boost your ego a little bit after watching Selena Frost become a two-time SCW United States Championship, but you have all the potential in the world to be the next breakout superstar. Some would argue it should have happened a long time ago. I don’t know if it was injuries, or the fact that you swallowed your frustration multiple times in order to let your wives step ahead of you. Maybe it was because you didn’t believe in yourself.
When you do believe in yourself, you come off like you’re on the brink of greatness. But when I’ve been in the SCW, or just watching from home, I’ve never seen you truly stand out on your own. You’ve always had a woman at your side. You let them take the lead, while you sit back and brood. I’ve been there with your current squeeze and let me tell you, it’s fucking depressing. To know you’re capable of so much more yet you can’t maximize your potential, or show how damn good you are, because someone is always holding you back.
And sure, you can go that typical route of how the SCW is holding you back. How Sasha is a bitch, and she needs to be beaten with a tire iron. Yeah, you know the same old song and dance you’ve been using for only God knows how long. Nothing will change until you actually open your eyes and take a long hard look at who you are, and who you surround yourself with. I mean, we all know Sienna will more than likely eye Selena and the United States Championship, because she can’t live without a belt, or Selena. They’ve been unable to quit one another since the PPF days. And where will you be, Chris?
On the outside. Cheering her on. Thinking up ways to brag about her, when deep down, you feel something else. You won’t say anything because of that fear.
Fear is something you know a lot about, Bree. Am I right? Sure, you finally became the SCW World Champion by beating my protégé, James Evans. Though we all know you didn’t do it on your own. The world will never be able to overlook that infamous bone thrown to you by the hands of Syren.
You became World Champion and in your first defense, you drew with a returning Matt Hodges. A competitor who has been banged up for years. A competitor who hasn’t been in the ring since 2014. You were confident when the announcement was made, but the look in your eyes said otherwise. Your so-called empire was nearly destroyed after a week.
You pulled out all stops to beat Aaron Rupp, and you’re going into Rise to Greatness as the reigning SCW World Champion. You think the SCW is your empire. I look at you and I see fear. You’re saying all these things because you fear not being as relevant as you think you are. You fear not being as important as the World Champion should be.
And that fear can translate into a cocktail with paranoia. You feared dropping down the card when Selena beat you for the United States title, so in your paranoia, you said you let her win. When you lost to Kimberly Williams beat you for the title, you attacked her because you felt you were going to become another minion for Sienna, because like her, without a title, you feel like you and your career have no meaning.
As World Champion, your ego has inflated, but so has that fear. So has that paranoia. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have attacked David Helms like you did during his match with Thorn. You know how damn good he is. You know if he manages to get one up on you this week, he will have more momentum than you. You and Sienna will cling to one another, because that is how you operate. You feed off one another to the point where having a dog is the only thing that separates you from her. Shit, you and her, along with Chris…I have no doubt you could beat the team I’m on at Breakdown.
I have no doubt you will all exude the utmost confidence, because you’re three of the best in the SCW. I can’t deny that. But when you take a step back and stand on the outside looking in, you can see that the three of you will be your own undoing.
But you know all about undoing something good, don’t you Bree? Because of that fear, you dropped me like a bad habit, hurling threats my way to remain silent, because you didn’t want your precious friendship with Sienna to be ripped apart based on the fact that you had feelings for her rival. Yeah, you and I…we had our fling. We had our feelings, and you pissed on them because you were paranoid of losing Sienna.
I wish you’d just come out and say it. I think you’d feel a lot better. Just say that you wouldn’t be in the spotlight, that you wouldn’t be as relevant if it wasn’t for Sienna wanting to be your friend. The two of you are a plane crash waiting to happen. You’re going to take Chris down with you. You won’t need David, Jordan, or myself to do it for you.
You will, however, get our absolute best at Breakdown. The three of us are hungry. We love this sport. We want to get better. We want to push for a change in the narrative, so the SCW universe and the rest of the locker room can know that the story isn’t always about the three of you. You will get our best, and if at the end of the night, you three stand tall, I’ll say this.
Enjoy it while it lasts, because when the time comes, I am going to kick back and watch as you three destroy one another.
Unless you’d rather be eviscerated at Breakdown, to save you all from your inevitable implosion. I will oblige you three.
One way or another.
Josh Hudson 